Feeling Down

It's Saturday and what a week I just had. I am so exhausted mentally and physically. My mind and body just is ready to shut down completely. Right now I feel like crying so I thought I would try and post to get my mind off things. Today I am having trouble with feeling things correctly. I was told that my shower was extremely hot but it just felt warm to me. I am having trouble with eating and drinking today because I can't taste things right at all. Everything tastes either too sweet or blah. I have been going crazy trying to find something to drink. I haven't stepped outside all day because it's too hot and humid. I can't tolerate the humidity. I can tell as the humidity rose and the temperature went up, that just being inside made a difference in my pain level. My pain level finally went down this morning but now it's back up and I'm very uncomfortable. My headache is severe and I can't see too well. I am having trouble thinking and concentrating. My daughter has had a long week as well and we are all tired. I want to cry but yet I don't. I have such a mixed bag of emotions with all of this. I completed the 24 hour holtor monitor so I am finally finished with the appt's for ketamine clearance. I still need to follw up with the neuro opthamologist at some point to see what's going on with the optic nerves. I just can't go through the tests that they want to do because it stirs everthing up and I get in this huge flare. The Dr told me that the tests can wait at the moment but they need to be done. The heat and humidity flares RSD badly and we are trying to get it to calm down. The Dr told me that I need to stay in a cool environment and regulated. Temperature changes are extremely bad and make things worse. So the eye Dr is on hold for more testing at the moment but they do need to be done. I'm also afraid of how bad the outcome will be. I noticed this morning that I can barely see out of my right eye. Everything was a blur and I couldn't make out what was on the television. I hate having this..I hate all of it! I'm just so darn frustrated because there is no cure and I have to live with it. I am doing my best and I will have my ups and downs. Today is a down..it comes and goes. I'm hanging in there though and you know me..I will never quit or give up! I'm off to help with dinner.

A Very Long & Stressful week

Today is Friday and the week is almost over..THANK GOODNESS! I've had one crazy week and it's not quite over but things have calmed down some. I have not been getting much sleep and I'm in burning pain today. My entire nervous system is out of whack today. My heart, breathing, digestive system, eyes, skin and hearing are all out of whack. I had a rough day yesterday which didn't help. I'm also still having a tough time absorbing everything that is going on with me. I am worried but I don't even know how to express my emotions at times. I have so much going on that I just want to laugh at times. I guess laughter is the best medicine so I will keep on going and still be the "happy Tammy" that I have always been. I'm not always happy though and I do hide it well. I just have so much going through my mind right now. I wish I could wave a magic wand and make this all go away! Well I have to head off and get myself hooked up to a cardiac monitor. My daughter is also wearing one today so we are a pair! She is wearing it due to her cardiac issues and I have to wear one as part of my clearance for Ketamine. They just need to watch how my heart works and my blood pressure is for over a period of 24 hours. My daughter has worn these monitors many of times so she is helping me put it on and we are hooked up together today. At least it's nice weather and we are going to try and enjoy the day!

Frustrated

I haven't had much time lately to sit and post. I have so much going on right now and I can't think straight. I have had a week of bad news and lots to deal with. I went through my last test on Tuesday for Ketamine clearance and it was HORRIBLE! I never EVER want to do that again! My daughter went with me and I was so glad she did. She sat with me when the Dr explained the test and then when it was over they called her back to the room. I was so pale and sick. It was called a "tilt table test". They strapped me to a table and I layed flat for a while then was moved to a standing position while strapped in. They monitor blood pressure and heart rate. Half way through the test I was given nitroglycerin. ACK! That was what made the test horrible! OMG! I will admit that I cried and begged for them to stop. I was told "only 6 more minutes". That was a LONG 6 minutes! I am cleared for Ketamine treatments but I do not know when they will start. I spoke to my Dr on Monday and he told me that my RSD is pretty bad and they are very concerned. My optic nerves have been affected and I have optic nerve damage. Once this occurs, it is not reversible or able to be repaired. I have a huge amount of color loss as well in the right eye. I was tested and I only got 2 out of 8 correct on the color vision test. So far it seems to be in relation to the TOS & RSD. I will need further testing to see if they can stop this somehow. It's a huge concern and I am very upset and worried. I haven't really absorbed everything I don't think..it's just so much to have to go through. I am under alot of stress right now also which does not help. I am trying to relax as much as I can but it's not easy. I took my daughter and her friend to the mall yesterday which was alot of fun. We had a great day (except for having a flat tire which started the day) UGG! Then I had planned a surprise birthday party for my daughter last night which went very well and she was VERY surprised. She had no clue about any of it. It made for even a better day! I was so glad to see her happy. We had a great evening except I was very tired and all the noise from everyone talking and so much going on kinda stirred everything up for me and I was in lots of pain by the end of the night. It was worth it though!